Those little envelopes seemed small.

A small package rests in front of you. Slowly you begin to open it, savoring the mystery and expectation. What is it? A watch could fit in that box. A nice little piece of art glass could, too. The paper falls beside you. You lift the cover and remove a small scroll of paper tied with a ribbon. It could be a gift certificate. You spend it five times in the next instant as your fingers untie the ribbon and begin to unroll the little paper. A sweater, CDs, a cordless drill, shoes, dinner out . . . . You read the paper: "A donation has been made in your name to 'Save the Whales'. Merry Christmas from Bill and Tina." Your heart sinks as music from that new CD fades in your mind.

Many of us have imagined just such a scene as we consider giving and receiving "alternative" gifts, whether donations or other kinds of unusual gifts. On the giving side we don't trust that an alternative gift will bring pleasure to the recipient. On the receiving side, we sometimes find our own greed crowding out the joy and connection of sharing with others.

What can we do about our concern that a recipient won't find pleasure in our gift, or won't think it's an acceptable one? Planning such gifts takes some discretion and careful consideration. Some people we know would happily receive a donation made in their name. One woman told me she loved it when people made donations for her because it allowed her to stretch her own charitable dollar even further. Some people have never seriously considered such a gift but might like the idea if we talked with them about it. If we lack confidence in our gift selections for some people, the idea of an alternative gift might be an opportunity to change an awkward situation. Some older people who are trying to clear out a lifetime of accumulation might see a donation made in their name as support for their current task. Some people might prefer to be sur-prised by a donation, others might like to be consulted in choosing an organization or project to receive the donation. Some families will be able to adopt a new mode of giving en masse, for others it will happen on an individually negotiated basis.

It can be a difficult task to change our giving patterns. There can be some discomfort and disappointment. Years ago two parents decided to make donations as Christmas gifts to their high school age children. The family talked together and each child chose an organization. However, on Christmas day, as the father said, "It went over like a lead balloon." The mother said, "Those little envelopes hanging on the tree seemed small." How can we address the discomfort of a struggle between our altruism and our personal greed? Recognizing and acknowledging the discomfort is important in itself. The disappointment we fear in others is sometimes a mirror of the disappointment we ourselves would feel at not getting a "real present," a "something." In recognizing and naming our own greed we can question it for information about ourselves, confess it and seek to grow.

After years of exploring different ways of giving, the family mentioned above has made alternative giving an important part of their celebration. At Christmas, the mother, who had had cataract surgery earlier in the year, was deeply touched to receive this card from her daughter and son-in-law: "To wish you a joyous Christmas, a gift of one eye surgery in Ghana has been sent in your honor to God's family in need, so that sick, hungry and homeless people can find new hope to help themselves and so that our global village can experience a new day of peace."

The path of alternative giving can lead from "our" trees, "our" gifts, "our" own, to our great extended family, our brothers and sisters in the global village

--Kathie Klein

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