Archives: Whose Birthday Is It, Anyway? #13 |
Making a Change for the Better
By Christine Leonard-Osterwalder
This Christmas was going to be different. Last year my children were wild, surrounded by paper and gifts from family and friends. They asked for more and couldn't appreciate anything and didn't say thank you. Shocked at their behavior and exhausted by all the preparation, my mother had become angry with me and had even asked for some of the Christmas gifts back. It was a sad ending to the most meaningful holiday.
This Christmas, I wanted more meaning and less rush; more time with my children, now 9 and 4, and less emphasis on presents. I didn't want the emptiness after all the presents were unwrapped. It was the anticipation of Christmas that I enjoyed, the excitement my children have in decorating the house, the fun times together baking cookies, and the time spent together reading Christmas and advent stories. What I wanted was the joy of Christ's birth without the Christmas "clutter." I wanted to share that joy with others.
I suggested to my pastor that we hold an alternative Christmas workshop, who enthusiastically agreed and offered to participate. To prepare, I ordered resources from Alternatives for Simple Living. I wanted to work through all of these issues on a personal level first. Alternatives then provided books and videos for the workshop.
My husband and I decided the most Christ-centered change we could make we would be to give to those who really needed.
First, the kids...
We sat down and talked with our children. To start, we asked them what Christmas was all about. The first thing they said was "Presents!" We talked about Jesus and explained the story of St. Nicholas (see letters at www.simpleliving.org). We explained that we would make some changes for Christmas. We would not receive gifts. Rather, we would give them to those who really needed them. We would spend time reading each evening to prepare for Advent and Christmas. We would extend Christmas, before and after the actual day. We would still decorate and bake. All of us would still get birthday gifts and "just because" gifts. While not overly enthusiastic, our children were willing to try the new concept.
Then, the relatives...
Our next great concern was our extended family and friends. We decided to write everyone a personalized letter. (see letters at www.SimpleLiving.org).
The letter had an interesting response. Some people were very disappointed because for them, one of their greatest joys was seeing our children open presents. We explained that the joy was in being together, not in things. Our children were asked if they would be disappointed when there were no gifts under the tree. We encouraged our children to share the experiences they were having in giving to those in need. This encouraged the nay-sayers to share for the first time about some of the community service work they were doing. My husband's grown daughter shared the letter with several friends, where it was welcomed, discussed, and even used in a worship service.
The results...
How did all of our changes work? Overall, very well. At school, our children did not participate in any gift exchanges. Not participating is swimming upstream, going against a vast, torrential current. Jesus asks us to change and move forward... wherever we are in our walk of faith.
We explained our new concept of Christmas to each teacher and all three listened carefully. This year we gave the teachers Thanksgiving gifts instead, with notes explaining that each is a blessing to us.
On Christmas day we put under the tree two colorful shoeboxes, which we had decorated together as a family. To conserve paper and honor the environment, we glued the paper on the outside of the boxes to reuse them each year. Inside one was a letter to Jesus. Inside the other was a letter to Saint Nicholas. We read them as a family on Christmas morning. Saint Nicholas had also written back, saying that he really appreciated the help from the children.
December 24th, 25th and 26th...
Our primary Christmas festivities were spread out over three days. On the 24th, we visited with my sisters and our parents at my parents' home. For the first time ever, the Christmas with my parents was incredibly relaxed. Without presents, we had plenty of time to go to a worship service, look at Christmas lights, eat, talk and even sing Christmas carols. Everyone was excited and happy just being together. For the most part, everyone supported the changes beautifully and continually commented on what a pleasant Christmas it had been.
On the 25th, we enjoyed just being with our immediate family. We cooked together and had a very enjoyable evening with our church family.
On the 26th, we had a very relaxed visit with my husband's family at their home. They are very thoughtful people. My mother-in-law handed out a few small Christmas gifts, agreeing to support our decision in the future.
When people ask adults "How was your Christmas?" they generally want to know if the holiday was a pleasant experience. Children might be asked, "What did you get for Christmas?" At age 4, my daughter sighs and sadly comments, "Nothing." After a moment, she explains that this year, we were Jesus' and Saint Nicholas' helpers by giving to those who needed help. My son, age 9, chimes right in, saying "Most people don't ever think of Jesus at Christmas. I never really thought about Him before we started this. I used to just think about presents."
In the future...
As we look ahead, we realize that we need to hang up our letters to Jesus and Santa in an obvious place to remind us of our commitments and our plan to celebrate Christmas all year long. While material gifts are important, I'd like to emphasize gifts of time. They have greater potential for changing us, as well as helping others.
At the end of our alternative workshop, I handed out acorns from wild oak trees and explained that this workshop and the idea of changing Christmas celebrations were like these acorns. The wind had blown them all over and no one had known where they would go. Just like these acorns, the ideas and concepts that we had discussed could take root in our own lives or perhaps those of others.
Bio: Christine Leonard-Osterwalder is a child of God who seeks each day to be a more faithful servant. She is a wife, mother, college English instructor, free-lance writer, and church volunteer who will start an M.Div. program at Claremont School of Theology next fall.
Sample Letters
A Letter to Extended Family & Friends (sample)
Dear Mom & Dad,
Christmas is my favorite, most meaningful, most fun holiday. I love the dreaming and imagination. I love being a kid. I love the good news Christmas conveys about the birth of Jesus and the hope that this marvelous event brings to the world. It helps me appreciate all my blessings. It reminds me that there are so many less fortunate people in the world.
One thing I have perpetuated during Christmas over the years is commercialism, or the buying of gifts. No matter where you go, what you watch, what you listen to, or what you read, there is a never-ending list of things you should buy as gifts for that "special someone." It is this aspect of Christmas that I no longer like or want to support.
We can meet a person's needs, but we can never satisfy a person's wants. Christmas has become a time of wanting rather than giving to meet one's needs. The three Magi brought gifts to Jesus. I'm sure his parents used them to meet the needs of their family. The Magi returned home without anything tangible in exchange, but rich in fulfilled dreams and thankful to be participants in a great mystery. Christmas is the celebration of Jesus' birth. Since He is the birthday child, I want to give my gifts to him, not to the other partygoers.
So I asked myself, how do I give gifts to Jesus who is not physically among us, is no longer a child, and who has everything already? I think the answer comes from Matthew 25:36-37 & 40:
For when I was hungry, you gave me food; when thirsty, you gave me drink; when I was a stranger you took me into your home, when naked you clothed me, when I was ill you came to my help, when in prison you visited me. I tell you this, inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these, you have done it unto me.
About 1,400 years ago, there was a pastor of a church in Myra, a city in the south of modern-day Turkey. Pastor Nicholas was very concerned about the needs of his community and devised a way to meet those needs, developing a double-blind system of helping the less fortunate. He would call upon the well to do and asked for those things needed by others. The giver never knew whom the gift was going to, and the receiver never knew whom the gift came from. This pastor later became the patron saint of all of Russia, as well as boys and girls. The Dutch gave Saint Nicholas the name Santa Claus. To this day, we portray Santa as a gift-giver to boys and girls all over the world. Unfortunately, Santa has become the patron saint of commercialism, and a means to award children for good or bad behavior. In poor families, Christmas is a cruel hoax. Since Santa brings less to the poor, poor children may feel that they are somehow bad or not as important.
If Saint Nicholas were to visit me in my household today, he would not be bearing me gifts. He would be asking for my help. This year there will be only two presents under the tree, both for Jesus: one to stay and one to go.
The "present to go" is our gift to those who are in need of help. This year, we plan to make special Christmas donations to a variety of charities... clothes, food and electricity for a local family; gifts to children whose parents are in prison; the Mary Magdalene Project, which helps prostitutes get off of the street and rebuild their lives; goats or water wells to people in Third World Nations through the Heifer Project or Church World Service.
The "present to stay" is our gift to those who need our time, love, attention, labor, and support. This gift contains our commitments not for just one day of celebration or even for the twelve days of Christmas, but for the entire coming year where needs are always present... visits to our local children's cancer ward; baby-sitting coupons for a neighbor; regular "small home repair" visits for a divorced mom; helping at a local thrift shop that benefits Habitat for Humanity. There are many, many choices.
We do not expect you to change how you celebrate your Christmas. But we would appreciate your help in not giving us gifts and in supporting our desire to refocus our Christmas. There are lots of opportunities to give each other gifts on birthdays, other holidays, and "just because" days.
Our family will emphasize the following changes:
- To celebrate Jesus' birth by bearing him gifts without receiving any for ourselves
- To restore the legacy of Saint Nicholas as God's servant in meeting people's needs and remind us that we, too, can perform that role throughout the year
- To make Christmas a fun and relaxed time to be with family and friends
- To celebrate Advent and the Twelve Days of Christmas instead of just one or two days.
At our house, there will still be an Advent wreath, Christmas lights, a manger scene, a decorated tree, stockings over the fireplace, a chance to catch Saint Nicholas picking up Jesus' gift, and four kids of all ages rejoicing in the Christmas spirit.
Love, Scott, Chris, Alex & Cara
A Letter to Jesus for "Gift to Stay"
(emphasizing gifts of time which are to be given year-round)
December 24th
Dear Jesus,
This year we are trying to recapture the meaning of Christmas and celebrate your birth.
We know that the best gift we can give to you is to give freely to someone less fortunate. We gave to your servant, Saint Nicholas, some of our physical gifts. We want to give more of ourselves by doing the following:
* [specific activities and pledges of time and money, such as "Start a monthly Friday-Fix-it for anyone in need," "Commit _% of our total income to the general church offering and _% to other charities," "Help church incorporate a social justice plan and ongoing education," and "Develop regular family home activities for spiritual growth."]
Happy Birthday, Jesus! Alex, Cara, Mom & Dad
A Letter to St. Nicholas, for "Gift to Go"
(emphasizing material gifts given the needy)
December 24th
Dear Saint Nicholas,
We are glad to be your helpers this year by only giving to people that need food, clothing, shelter, warm blankets and toys, and not giving to each other when we have so much.
Here is a list of things we have done so far, and what remains in our "gift to go."
* [Specific gifts for specific people in need]
* [Specific activities, such as "Conducted an alternative Christmas workshop to help us and others rediscover the real meaning of Christmas."
Inside the decorated box:
* [pledges and symbols of gifts of time and money yet to be given]
Merry Christmas, Saint Nicholas! Alex, Cara, Mom & Dad
BOX
This page last updated 20 Octoerb 2012
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