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Teaching Generosity to Kids
Meg Cox
How do we raise kids who care, kids who are compassionate and generous and kind?
One important way is by introducing both holiday and everyday rituals that highlight giving and sharing. By letting our children see us give our time and money to people and organizations in need of assistance. And by talking as a family about the many people in the world who have less than we do.
I'll share some ideas about philanthropic traditions and a few child-friendly charities.
This is the time of year when people suddenly want to volunteer at soup kitchens and give toys to homeless children, which is great. I don't know about you, I can't walk past one of those red Salvation Army kettles without throwing in money and smiling at the freezing "Santa." I believe we need to do these things, if possible with our children. Let's also set up year-round charity rituals too.
Here are three basic steps for parents to follow:
- Explain how helping others works through charity.
- Talk about various charities that might interest your kids and get them to pick one or two.
- Create a ritual of saving or collecting money for those charities.
Make a Helping Others Jar from an old coffee can. Cut out paper the height of the can and let the kids decorate the paper, then glue it to the can. Cut a slit in the plastic top and keep the Helping Others Jar in a prominent spot like a kitchen counter.
You could also use a cardboard box or a bank. The late Fred Rogers has some good advice. Find a regular time to put money in the box "such as the end of the day or the end of the week." Plus, Mr. Rogers suggests, "Your children may want to put money in the box at other times, like when someone is thankful for something good that's happened."
In addition, I suggest that you have a family meeting once or twice a year, including the winter holidays, where you choose your causes for the next period. Let each child pick a cause about which s/he is passionate.
Send in the money collected every six months and when you do, don't just send a check. Get your child to help you write or even illustrate a letter to the charity. I still recall as a kid when I sent less than $12 to a cerebral palsy charity, someone at the organization took the time to write me a personal note of thanks. Could that help explain why giving feels so good to me as a grownup?
One great charity for kids is Heifer International (www.heifer.org) which provides farm animals to poor families worldwide. Thus they gain both food and a way of making a living. Your family can choose a specific animal such as a sheep or baby chicks, and collect the amount of money Heifer requires to buy that animal. Draw or paste a picture of your animal on the Helping Others jar: your little ones may even name it.
One way to make it more real is to read aloud the picture book Beatrice's Goat, which tells the true story of how one African girl's life improved after her family got a Heifer goat. (The book is available through Alternatives.)
Philanthropy isn't just about giving money, so you might pick a local charity where your children can offer real services. Like helping feed or groom the pets at a local animal shelter. Or start a weekly tradition of visiting a senior center in your town and having your children bring drawings to the residents or read to them.
Kids can share their own belongings as they outgrow things, such as sending children's books to AIDS orphans. For the past six years, my awesome friend Lucy Steinitz has lived with her family in Namibia, running a national AIDS program for the Catholic Church. The program has taught hundreds of volunteers across the country who work as home health aides, providing basic care to their infected neighbors (and sometimes family).
Also, Lucy's organization helps the surging flood of children orphaned by AIDS. Nearly 14% of Namibian children under 15 have lost both parents and Lucy's group helps more than 15,000 orphans a year with staples like blankets and school uniforms.
Lucy has also asked American friends to help send children's books to the orphans (many speak English), taking advantage of a program at the U.S. Postal Service called M-Bags. These are big sturdy bags that cost little to send (a dollar a pound) because they go the slow route, taking up to three months.
I know we're bookaholics at my house, but I was stunned that when I loaded up all the board books and early readers my son has outgrown, I had four boxes weighing 80 pounds! Now that I'm energized, Books for Africa has become the community service project for my son's Sunday School class, and next I'm going to recruit his Cub Scout den and school. If each child brings an armload of books and one dollar bill to mail them, we can send a library's worth of books to Africa this year.
Our kids may not be ready for a detailed account of the AIDS plague, but sending a book to a child far away who has none is a good deed that will make sense to them.
For e-mailed instructions, write to Lucy at steinitz@mweb.com.na. Visit www.caa.org.na
"There's an old Quaker saying that 'Attitudes are caught, not taught.' Children want to be like the people they love and they learn from seeing that their favorite adults care about their neighbors -- even those whom they don't know -- and are gracious about giving and receiving even the simplest of gifts." -- Fred Rogers
Adapted from "Meg Cox's Ritual Newsletter for November, 2003: Rituals
That Teach Philanthropy." [Request a free subscription at MegMaxC@aol.com.]
See Meg's The Book of New Family Traditions.
Page updated 21 Nov. 2013
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