Making the Holidays Meaningful for Your Children

By Betsy Taylor

A majority of Americans agree that Christmas is too materialistic.  Some 70% say they would welcome less emphasis on gift giving.  People have been protesting the December extravaganza for decades now yet it's easy to get swept up each year in the shopping, frenzied preparations, and piles of presents.  This is especially true for our children who on average receive 70 new toys a year, most of them during the holiday season.

How can we reclaim the magic and meaning of the holiday season for our children and hold fast to our deepest beliefs and values?   Here are five steps that any family can take to slow down and make sure this Christmas is all you hope it will be:

1. Stop.  The most radical thing you can do in this work & spend world is to simply slow down and reflect on the kind of holiday you really want.  Think back to your own childhood and try to remember the magical moments.  What traditions would you like to start or rekindle that will stay with your children for a lifetime?  For many people, this stopping involves prayer, meditation, and reflection - a time of listening for guidance and wisdom.
2. Reduce your child's exposure to commercial messages all year round but especially during the holiday season.  Kids today are being bombarded with advertising and the flow of "buy now pay later" messages are at their peak in November and December.  Set limits on commercial television but also on the Internet.  Help your child understand how advertising works  Talk about how ads create new "needs""- things your child feels s/he absolutely must have.  Let them know that there is a multi-billion dollar industry focused on manipulating them and make it a game to " deconstruct" ads together.
3. When you say no to something, say yes to something your child really wants.  My organization, the Center for a New American Dream, conducted a contest and asked kids what they want that money can't buy.  The top answer may come as a surprise:  YOU.  More than anything else, kids of all ages just want time to be kids and fun time with their parents.  So when you say no to a videogame or a pair of brand name sneakers, say yes to a bike ride, a game of scrabble, a potluck with cousins.  At first your child may think you are terribly un-cool but take them camping or ice skating anyway and see what happens. We need to spend half as much money on our children and give them twice as much of our time.
4. Do something to promote "goodwill on Earth" and watch your children glow.  Kids want to make a positive difference in the world but they need our support.  Organize a get-together with a few other families and assemble gift boxes this year for children in a homeless shelter.  In 2003, one out of every eight Americans were poor and a disproportionate number of them were children. Your children can help pick out some gifts - warm socks, water colors, homemade cookies, and other items that a truly needy child might value.  Ultimately, we are all deeply connected.  We are all God's children.  When children are given the chance to experience deep empathy with less privileged kids, it can be transformational.
5. Be a good role model.  Children learn from what we do more than what we say.  This year, avoid the lines at the shopping mall and go visit your oldest family members instead.  Interview them on an audiotape - with your child in tow - and then make copies of that tape for everyone else in the family.  A perfect holiday gift.  Make homemade soup and bread and deliver it to homebound neighbors as a holiday gift.  Join with others to organize an alternative gift fair.

My organization has a guide to help you get started < www.newdream.org>.  Have more fun with less stuff and make it an annual tradition.  Ultimately, we need to stop asking children "so what do you want from Santa this year?" and start asking them "what should we do together this year that will be really fun?"

For lots of tips for increasing the laughter and joy in your household this Christmas, check out my book, What Kids Really Want that Money Can't Buy, and feel free to get it at the library.

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